Deerington Inbox

[onerthes]

[A tinny man's voice gives what is clearly a default answer machine message. Vira-Lorr is still figuring the phone out it seems.]
"Hello, we are not available now. Please leave your name and phone number after the beep. We will return your call."
*Beep*

Comments

Re: Voice; backdated to January

[onerthes]

I... what?!?

[For a moment, she was taken aback by this message. The quiet way that Makoto spoke. The way that he spoke. Vira-Lorr was initially struck and then worried.]

Makoto... what are you talking about?!? You didn't take my happiness. Do you mean what happened in December? [Fidget.] Th...That's not what happened at all. You found yours. That's different.

Why are you saying this?

[thunderingcourage]

He said that I dashed your happiness, that no matter how hard we try someone will have to pay when we find love or happiness. And that no matter what we'll ruin it.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

[onerthes]

That shadow jumping ghoul and I are going to have a little chat.

[So, he wasn't the only person that it could have been. She'd mentioned getting turned down to a few others, but the thing was that she also knew them all and even if one of them might have been pissed off, which none were to her knowledge, they never would have put it quite that way. Only one friend of hers would, and they'd had words.]

So. We're still in this blasted hotel. Do you want to get an ice cream sundae? My treat? I... I want to be very clear with you. If two people fall in love with the same person, but they love only one, yes. The other 'loses out' but that doesn't mean that anything is ruined.

I... I am happy for you and Atsushi. I was happy when Max and Chloe acknowledged each other's love and publicly dated. I'm not upset that Minako doesn't remember that I asked her out. I'm fine that Keith moved on, and I moved on from him. Yes, it hurt. My heart was broken, Makoto, but ... you cannot love without risk, and seeing you happy is an incredible salve for any heartbreak. You happy is more precious to me than my own happiness, because I care.

That old ghoul's heart shriveled to dust a long time ago, and he refuses to ever let himself love again. He's come close so many times and he throws them all to the curb rather than let them fail him. He's cold, bitter and alone. And I'm very pissed off he dragged you into that. You don't dserve it.

especially because I doubt you came to him of all people for relationship advice. You had another argument and he used that as ammunition against you didn't he?

[thunderingcourage]

I'm not hungry, there was plenty of stuff at the festival. I just got back to our room.

[Her head was spinning slightly and she felt a little sick to her stomach from the thoughts that kept going through her head.]

I do love Atsushi, but that shouldn't mean that someone else has to be in pain. What if I ruin everything with him?

He was looking for something at the beach and found my father's wallet with pictures inside. We were arguing about why she would bring something like that here. Then he said something about Usagi, I started to lose my temper.

[onerthes]

Makoto, you're not going to hurt him. You're both so worried about hurting the other that you'll be fine. I'm sure of that.

[That was actually a bald-faced lie. She knew that one reality was that they could worry themselves so sick if they kept at it that the stress would supplant the love, and she didn't want that to be a reality for her friend. She just wanted her to be happy.]is someone who's expressed interest. I just want to make sure I'm not rebounding with her. You're both important to me, and I don't want there to be any confusion if I'm with her. But I actually... I thin I'm ready to say yes, if she'll have me.

Ngh. So... he is my friend, but I know something about him. He's an incorrigible jackass and a troll who insists on winning every argument he gets into. So, if he feels he's losing, he'll twist it and hit you where he thinks he can hurt you. It's hurtful, nasty and not an endearing quality of the man. He knows that saying something about Usagi will get you riled, even if he doesn't actually mean it. He knows bringing my name is a low blow that will hurt you, even if he's wrong.

He and I are going to have a talk. I can be forgiving of friends with rotten habits, but I don't want him doing this again. That overgrown baby should know better. He was just trying to hurt you so he could win the argument.

[thunderingcourage]

I don't deserve it. I feel sick.

[Her head was pounding and still spinning slightly from the drinks. She had been careless hadn't she, and even since December Makoto hadn't thought much about how Vira-Lorr much have felt. They'd still talked, played volleyball, and done a number of things. Had she really been hurting Vira-Lorr all this time? Was she just lying now about there being someone else, isn't that what he had said she would do?]

You don't have to. He wasn't wrong, I already lost. I . . . I just wanted to apologize for hurting you. It isn't what I wanted.

[onerthes]

Don't talk like that. [That came out a little too harshly.] You are a beautiful, wonderful person, and I want you to have the happiest ever after imaginable. And I won't settle for less than you, smiling happily as you get everything your heart yearns for.

The hurt I felt? It is ok. I promise you. I'm going to let my heart find happiness, but I want you to enjoy your happiness. However...

[She frowned a little.]

You sound like me in the old days. What room are you in. I'm bringing you something. No talk back. Or tomorrow's going to be awful.

[Vira-Lorr was a veteran of getting drunk off her gourd. She knew all manner of hangover cures, and the sound in that voice? She was coming over. Yeah, Makoto did not sound well off right now.]

[thunderingcourage]

We're in room 509. But everything's awful, it was so great earlier, but now it's awful.

[The bonfire had been fun, and everyone was so friendly and generous as they kept giving her drinks. But then why was everything that he said just echoing in her head?]

[onerthes]

[She sent a message to the effect of 'I'll be right there.' And, honestly when she got to the room, she was obviously panting a little, knocking firmly at the door. She was trying to contain her anger with Reaper at this point, because this was throwing gasoline on a fire she hadn't needed to burn in the first place. She needed to make sure Makoto was ok.]

Makoto, it's Vira. Are you in there?

[thunderingcourage]

[At first, there wasn't much of a response, but after twenty or thirty seconds the sound of the latch on the door being opened before the door cracked just a little.]

I'm here. You didn't have to come.

[onerthes]

[She slid in almost as soon as the door opened, pushing with her foot first before trying to nudge it closed and grab Makoto in a close, tight embrace, to pull the taller woman in where she could just hold her.]

Shhh... stop saying that. You're precious to me. Of course I had to come. I'll always be here for you, my precious precious Makoto.

[Perhaps not the way she'd once wanted, but that did not change the fact that she would be there for her one it.]

[thunderingcourage]

[Makoto didn't move very quickly, but when the other embraced she wrapped her arms around and sagged a little, everything felt so heavy. Her hair and clothes still smelled slightly like the smoke from the bonfire, as well as a slight scent from the drinks. She hadn't been back at the hotel long, and Atsushi hadn't come back to the room yet either. There was a single bedside lamp on but otherwise it was dark.]

I said I'd always put others first. I hurt you though, how can I make it up to you?

[onerthes]

Makoto...

[She ran her hands through her hair, dragging them down slowly and embracing her tightly, letting her head rest against the seer's shoulder while she closed her eyes. That wasn't fair. Putting others first...]

I don't want you to give of yourself until there's nothing left. Seeing you taking what you want... seeing it willingly offered, it makes me smile. A momentary tear is not worth denying you happiness.

You have nothing to make up to me... but...

[She smoothed her hand to the back of her neck and tied to shift her head so she could get her forehead up against her friend's.]

If he's the one? You'll make it up to me by being happy together. You have no idea how happy that would make me. To see you free, happy, in love.

[thunderingcourage]

[Makoto closed her eyes, a tear slipping out. She had known that she really liked Atsushi, that he made her happier than anyone else did or had since she'd come to Deerington, and even since before then. He made her feel special, seen, she felt like he really understood her, every part of her and was able to give just as much. She knew that he had the same self-doubt, but she was sure that he was a good person, someone that she could care for. And so she found herself admitting what they hadn't confessed to one another yet as her head rested against Vira-Lorr's and they shared a hug.]

I. . . I do love him. I really do, I don't want to ruin it. I don't want to hurt him, or you, or anyone. I just want to protect all of you from the awful things that keep happening.

I have to be strong enough.

[onerthes]

Oh don't you worry about the latter part. You are strong enough. I know you are. You'll always be there to protect me, and I for you.

[She smiled to herself and sighed, eyes glittering a little as she felt a sympathetic tear forming and hiccuped a bit. This girl, sometimes. She was such an emotional ball of passion wasn't she? Atsushi was in for such a ride.]

I know this is impossible to do, but try not to worry too much. If he loves you and you love him, you will find a way to make everything beautiful.

[thunderingcourage]

But what if he's right and I'm not strong enough. I was having so much fun and everything was great, but now my head's spinning and I can't stop thinking about that conversation from yesterday, a few days ago, whenever.

I might be the toxic friendship that he was talking bout. You, Rei, Usagi, Minako, you all support me and have done so much for me even if I don't ask. How can I give enough back with everything all of you have done for me.

[onerthes]

What? Reaper?

[She sighed and started to move into the hotel room, an arm circling her waist while she did so, trying to keep a smile on even as she sighed in exasperation.]

You're hardly toxic. Trust me. You don't demand of us the kinds of things such a person does, and you give so readily. No, no. Reaper is many things, but he's very old, jaded and cynical. Love, in his mind, will always fail. Heroes never live up to the image they have of themselves. People all have weaknesses to exploit. And arguments are meant to be won, even if it's with a cheap shot.

There's good in that old prune of a man, but he's also so shriveled inside that you two can't ever seem to view the world the same way.

[thunderingcourage]

He wouldn't listen to anything I was saying because he said I haven't yet lived long enough for the worst choices. But I've had to make plenty of choices and wouldn't change any of them.

[She'd died fighting long before Deerington. And she'd defeated enemies as well, Makoto knew hard choices. Of course, she didn't tell reaper any of that, she didn't trust him with her secret or any of their secrets. Honestly, Makoto was still wary of him and afraid he'd try to attack Usagi.]

Someone should talk to him and show him that it's alright to believe in your friends and that there are plenty of people who will do whatever they can to help. Without having a motive or reason, and that he doesn't have to threaten everyone.

[onerthes]

Without revealing the truth of the battles you've fought? He'll never understand. And even if you did? I don't think he could appreciate how powerful your ties to your friends are in making you more than you are.

He's a soul who suffered greatly over the years, and has mastered fighting alone, depending on nobody. Trust is a thing he doesn't give lightly or easily, and to everyone else, that bitterness and anger is all they will ever see.

[He probably wouldn't unless she did something, and she wasn't going anywhere near Maul these days, so... that was a good thing.]

Heh. He does trust a few people, but very few. Honestly? try not to worry too much about him. He won't ever see the world through your eyes. I wish even I could see the hope you see sometimes.

[thunderingcourage]

So he's a jerk to everyone?

[That didn't really make her feel any better. And she was still thinking about how he insisted that she'd ruin everything.]

I don't always see hope. I just want to believe that everyone has a chance, that everyone should have a chance to be happy, to find someone that they love. I'm not that good of a person.

[onerthes]

More or less everyone. And the purer their spirit, the more likely he is to be a bit of a nasty bastard. He might do good, but he's burned and singed in his soul.

[It wasn't entirely true. he was actually kind to the few he cared for, but even then he could have the broad side of his tongue ready to go very easily. Very much an acquired taste as it came.

Her hand smoothed through Makoto's hair and she rested her forehead against her shoulder. The smile she had was a kind one, affectionate.]

Wanting to believe that isn't wrong. And both you and I, and Atsushi will be happy. I promise. I'm getting there and I hope you've found your happiness as well.

[thunderingcourage]

[Makoto blushed a little more, her head spinning a little as she thought about Atsushi.]

I'm really happy when I'm with him. He always makes me feel better and encourages me, I feel stronger and like can do anything. The last few days have been great because we were staying together. But I couldn't find him at the festival, he would have enjoyed it.

Did you get to go? There were a lot of people, and everyone was enjoying it and were friendly.

[onerthes]

[She smiled. There was no sadness there. hearing the way that Makoto said that, it just made her feel warm inside, because that was exactly the sort of thing she wanted to hear from her friend. Her thumb dragged along her cheek and she cupped it with her hand, sighing softly.]

He's everything that I hoped he'd be for you. I'm so glad... He's going to be good. You're both just the right nervous I think, always concerned for each other.

The party? Oh yes... I... actually spent a lot of my time with Setsuna. It was very relaxing. I even did a little dancing later in the night.

[thunderingcourage]

It was a lot of fun, everyone was friendly. I had the chance to dance with Rei and ran into a few other friends there too. The drinks were really good too.

[Makoto leaned into Vira-Lorr a little her mind was calming down a little now that it was directed to more pleasant thoughts. She wasn't stuck spinning her wheels and spiraling inward thanks to her friend.]

But the two of you were dancing? Did you tell her anything?

[onerthes]

[Deep down, Vira-Lorr knew that one thing that would help Makoto deal and cope with what Reaper had said was the fact that she had allowed herself to move on. And, when Setsuna had expressed interest, had been allowing herself to consider it seriously. She was just taking it slower, letting it percolate instead of charging in the way she had with Makoto. It had seemed wisest or them both, and they had enough years ahead to not be hurried. Either way, though, something like this? It would let her know that Reaper was wrong. The pain didn't last.]

Mmmm, the refreshments WERE fun weren't they? Actually Setsuna and I spent more time on the beech, just lounging like a pair of old bums. It was great. She let me apply lotion on her back.

[And suddenly, Vira's face was the one going red.]

We didn't actually dance much, but we spent a lot of time together.