[A tinny man's voice gives what is clearly a default answer machine message. Vira-Lorr is still figuring the phone out it seems.] "Hello, we are not available now. Please leave your name and phone number after the beep. We will return your call." *Beep*
We're in room 509. But everything's awful, it was so great earlier, but now it's awful.
[The bonfire had been fun, and everyone was so friendly and generous as they kept giving her drinks. But then why was everything that he said just echoing in her head?]
[She sent a message to the effect of 'I'll be right there.' And, honestly when she got to the room, she was obviously panting a little, knocking firmly at the door. She was trying to contain her anger with Reaper at this point, because this was throwing gasoline on a fire she hadn't needed to burn in the first place. She needed to make sure Makoto was ok.]
[At first, there wasn't much of a response, but after twenty or thirty seconds the sound of the latch on the door being opened before the door cracked just a little.]
[She slid in almost as soon as the door opened, pushing with her foot first before trying to nudge it closed and grab Makoto in a close, tight embrace, to pull the taller woman in where she could just hold her.]
Shhh... stop saying that. You're precious to me. Of course I had to come. I'll always be here for you, my precious precious Makoto.
[Perhaps not the way she'd once wanted, but that did not change the fact that she would be there for her one it.]
[Makoto didn't move very quickly, but when the other embraced she wrapped her arms around and sagged a little, everything felt so heavy. Her hair and clothes still smelled slightly like the smoke from the bonfire, as well as a slight scent from the drinks. She hadn't been back at the hotel long, and Atsushi hadn't come back to the room yet either. There was a single bedside lamp on but otherwise it was dark.]
I said I'd always put others first. I hurt you though, how can I make it up to you?
[She ran her hands through her hair, dragging them down slowly and embracing her tightly, letting her head rest against the seer's shoulder while she closed her eyes. That wasn't fair. Putting others first...]
I don't want you to give of yourself until there's nothing left. Seeing you taking what you want... seeing it willingly offered, it makes me smile. A momentary tear is not worth denying you happiness.
You have nothing to make up to me... but...
[She smoothed her hand to the back of her neck and tied to shift her head so she could get her forehead up against her friend's.]
If he's the one? You'll make it up to me by being happy together. You have no idea how happy that would make me. To see you free, happy, in love.
[Makoto closed her eyes, a tear slipping out. She had known that she really liked Atsushi, that he made her happier than anyone else did or had since she'd come to Deerington, and even since before then. He made her feel special, seen, she felt like he really understood her, every part of her and was able to give just as much. She knew that he had the same self-doubt, but she was sure that he was a good person, someone that she could care for. And so she found herself admitting what they hadn't confessed to one another yet as her head rested against Vira-Lorr's and they shared a hug.]
I. . . I do love him. I really do, I don't want to ruin it. I don't want to hurt him, or you, or anyone. I just want to protect all of you from the awful things that keep happening.
Oh don't you worry about the latter part. You are strong enough. I know you are. You'll always be there to protect me, and I for you.
[She smiled to herself and sighed, eyes glittering a little as she felt a sympathetic tear forming and hiccuped a bit. This girl, sometimes. She was such an emotional ball of passion wasn't she? Atsushi was in for such a ride.]
I know this is impossible to do, but try not to worry too much. If he loves you and you love him, you will find a way to make everything beautiful.
But what if he's right and I'm not strong enough. I was having so much fun and everything was great, but now my head's spinning and I can't stop thinking about that conversation from yesterday, a few days ago, whenever.
I might be the toxic friendship that he was talking bout. You, Rei, Usagi, Minako, you all support me and have done so much for me even if I don't ask. How can I give enough back with everything all of you have done for me.
[She sighed and started to move into the hotel room, an arm circling her waist while she did so, trying to keep a smile on even as she sighed in exasperation.]
You're hardly toxic. Trust me. You don't demand of us the kinds of things such a person does, and you give so readily. No, no. Reaper is many things, but he's very old, jaded and cynical. Love, in his mind, will always fail. Heroes never live up to the image they have of themselves. People all have weaknesses to exploit. And arguments are meant to be won, even if it's with a cheap shot.
There's good in that old prune of a man, but he's also so shriveled inside that you two can't ever seem to view the world the same way.
He wouldn't listen to anything I was saying because he said I haven't yet lived long enough for the worst choices. But I've had to make plenty of choices and wouldn't change any of them.
[She'd died fighting long before Deerington. And she'd defeated enemies as well, Makoto knew hard choices. Of course, she didn't tell reaper any of that, she didn't trust him with her secret or any of their secrets. Honestly, Makoto was still wary of him and afraid he'd try to attack Usagi.]
Someone should talk to him and show him that it's alright to believe in your friends and that there are plenty of people who will do whatever they can to help. Without having a motive or reason, and that he doesn't have to threaten everyone.
Without revealing the truth of the battles you've fought? He'll never understand. And even if you did? I don't think he could appreciate how powerful your ties to your friends are in making you more than you are.
He's a soul who suffered greatly over the years, and has mastered fighting alone, depending on nobody. Trust is a thing he doesn't give lightly or easily, and to everyone else, that bitterness and anger is all they will ever see.
[He probably wouldn't unless she did something, and she wasn't going anywhere near Maul these days, so... that was a good thing.]
Heh. He does trust a few people, but very few. Honestly? try not to worry too much about him. He won't ever see the world through your eyes. I wish even I could see the hope you see sometimes.
[That didn't really make her feel any better. And she was still thinking about how he insisted that she'd ruin everything.]
I don't always see hope. I just want to believe that everyone has a chance, that everyone should have a chance to be happy, to find someone that they love. I'm not that good of a person.
More or less everyone. And the purer their spirit, the more likely he is to be a bit of a nasty bastard. He might do good, but he's burned and singed in his soul.
[It wasn't entirely true. he was actually kind to the few he cared for, but even then he could have the broad side of his tongue ready to go very easily. Very much an acquired taste as it came.
Her hand smoothed through Makoto's hair and she rested her forehead against her shoulder. The smile she had was a kind one, affectionate.]
Wanting to believe that isn't wrong. And both you and I, and Atsushi will be happy. I promise. I'm getting there and I hope you've found your happiness as well.
[Makoto blushed a little more, her head spinning a little as she thought about Atsushi.]
I'm really happy when I'm with him. He always makes me feel better and encourages me, I feel stronger and like can do anything. The last few days have been great because we were staying together. But I couldn't find him at the festival, he would have enjoyed it.
Did you get to go? There were a lot of people, and everyone was enjoying it and were friendly.
[She smiled. There was no sadness there. hearing the way that Makoto said that, it just made her feel warm inside, because that was exactly the sort of thing she wanted to hear from her friend. Her thumb dragged along her cheek and she cupped it with her hand, sighing softly.]
He's everything that I hoped he'd be for you. I'm so glad... He's going to be good. You're both just the right nervous I think, always concerned for each other.
The party? Oh yes... I... actually spent a lot of my time with Setsuna. It was very relaxing. I even did a little dancing later in the night.
It was a lot of fun, everyone was friendly. I had the chance to dance with Rei and ran into a few other friends there too. The drinks were really good too.
[Makoto leaned into Vira-Lorr a little her mind was calming down a little now that it was directed to more pleasant thoughts. She wasn't stuck spinning her wheels and spiraling inward thanks to her friend.]
But the two of you were dancing? Did you tell her anything?
[Deep down, Vira-Lorr knew that one thing that would help Makoto deal and cope with what Reaper had said was the fact that she had allowed herself to move on. And, when Setsuna had expressed interest, had been allowing herself to consider it seriously. She was just taking it slower, letting it percolate instead of charging in the way she had with Makoto. It had seemed wisest or them both, and they had enough years ahead to not be hurried. Either way, though, something like this? It would let her know that Reaper was wrong. The pain didn't last.]
Mmmm, the refreshments WERE fun weren't they? Actually Setsuna and I spent more time on the beech, just lounging like a pair of old bums. It was great. She let me apply lotion on her back.
[And suddenly, Vira's face was the one going red.]
We didn't actually dance much, but we spent a lot of time together.
They tasted great. They music was a little weird but still fun and easy to dance to.
Lounging sounds nice though, having the chance to take in the warmth of the sun and just enjoy actually having a bit of light. I can't wait for spring and summer to get here. But something like that sounds a lot more like Setsuna than dancing or something with a lot of other people.
[At least Makoto assumed it was, since she'd never the woman do anything besides work.]
She does love a quiet sort of relaxation, doesn't she? A good book, which she absolutely took with her before the party got in full swing. Plenty of sun. The company of someone she wanted to be around. Just chatting and being relaxed and at ease. I... don't think she gets to relax nearly as much as she needs.
[She smiled to herself.]
I ... kind of hope, when we figure things out, that she can just take a little bit of time off. With me. That'd be nice.
Maybe, having a little time to spend together, all just being able to live together peacefully. It would be more like a dream than a nightmare.
[Makoto leaned back a little bracing herself on her arms as she closed her eyes. She wanted to go home, but at the same time she didn't want to say goodbye to everyone she had met here.]
[Vira-Lorr was increasingly realizing she'd been here too long, and it was only getting worse. As much as this place was awful, if she could just get it to be a dream, not a nightmare... it would not be so bad to sty a while longer.
She offered Makoto support, her hands running over her hair while she went to find her a seat.]
It would be nice to just... have time together. To not have to worry about each other, and everything else. A little dream come true, mmm?
More times like the bonfire, just everyone relaxing and having a good time. Or maybe having a picnic or getting to just hang out at the arcade without having to worry about being sucked into a game or something.
[It had only been six months for Makoto and yet at the same time it had seemed like so much longer. Those she had met and grown close to, it seemed like she had known them for years with how friendly they had been and how much they had all been through together. She sincerely trusted them all.]
[This place was incredibly intense at times. It could be oh so overwhelming, but the friendships could end up equally intense and loyal.]
Those would be lovely. Somewhere we could all just be comfortable and relaxed together. It's not easy to pull off, but when we can, we can finally just... talk a little. Get to know each other away from the constant fighting.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-10 03:16 am (UTC)[The bonfire had been fun, and everyone was so friendly and generous as they kept giving her drinks. But then why was everything that he said just echoing in her head?]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-10 07:10 pm (UTC)Makoto, it's Vira. Are you in there?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-16 03:09 am (UTC)I'm here. You didn't have to come.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-16 06:41 pm (UTC)Shhh... stop saying that. You're precious to me. Of course I had to come. I'll always be here for you, my precious precious Makoto.
[Perhaps not the way she'd once wanted, but that did not change the fact that she would be there for her one it.]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-16 07:20 pm (UTC)I said I'd always put others first. I hurt you though, how can I make it up to you?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-17 02:26 am (UTC)[She ran her hands through her hair, dragging them down slowly and embracing her tightly, letting her head rest against the seer's shoulder while she closed her eyes. That wasn't fair. Putting others first...]
I don't want you to give of yourself until there's nothing left. Seeing you taking what you want... seeing it willingly offered, it makes me smile. A momentary tear is not worth denying you happiness.
You have nothing to make up to me... but...
[She smoothed her hand to the back of her neck and tied to shift her head so she could get her forehead up against her friend's.]
If he's the one? You'll make it up to me by being happy together. You have no idea how happy that would make me. To see you free, happy, in love.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-17 02:42 am (UTC)I. . . I do love him. I really do, I don't want to ruin it. I don't want to hurt him, or you, or anyone. I just want to protect all of you from the awful things that keep happening.
I have to be strong enough.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-17 02:52 am (UTC)[She smiled to herself and sighed, eyes glittering a little as she felt a sympathetic tear forming and hiccuped a bit. This girl, sometimes. She was such an emotional ball of passion wasn't she? Atsushi was in for such a ride.]
I know this is impossible to do, but try not to worry too much. If he loves you and you love him, you will find a way to make everything beautiful.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-17 03:04 am (UTC)I might be the toxic friendship that he was talking bout. You, Rei, Usagi, Minako, you all support me and have done so much for me even if I don't ask. How can I give enough back with everything all of you have done for me.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-17 03:16 am (UTC)[She sighed and started to move into the hotel room, an arm circling her waist while she did so, trying to keep a smile on even as she sighed in exasperation.]
You're hardly toxic. Trust me. You don't demand of us the kinds of things such a person does, and you give so readily. No, no. Reaper is many things, but he's very old, jaded and cynical. Love, in his mind, will always fail. Heroes never live up to the image they have of themselves. People all have weaknesses to exploit. And arguments are meant to be won, even if it's with a cheap shot.
There's good in that old prune of a man, but he's also so shriveled inside that you two can't ever seem to view the world the same way.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-17 03:42 am (UTC)[She'd died fighting long before Deerington. And she'd defeated enemies as well, Makoto knew hard choices. Of course, she didn't tell reaper any of that, she didn't trust him with her secret or any of their secrets. Honestly, Makoto was still wary of him and afraid he'd try to attack Usagi.]
Someone should talk to him and show him that it's alright to believe in your friends and that there are plenty of people who will do whatever they can to help. Without having a motive or reason, and that he doesn't have to threaten everyone.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-17 04:35 am (UTC)He's a soul who suffered greatly over the years, and has mastered fighting alone, depending on nobody. Trust is a thing he doesn't give lightly or easily, and to everyone else, that bitterness and anger is all they will ever see.
[He probably wouldn't unless she did something, and she wasn't going anywhere near Maul these days, so... that was a good thing.]
Heh. He does trust a few people, but very few. Honestly? try not to worry too much about him. He won't ever see the world through your eyes. I wish even I could see the hope you see sometimes.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-18 04:41 pm (UTC)[That didn't really make her feel any better. And she was still thinking about how he insisted that she'd ruin everything.]
I don't always see hope. I just want to believe that everyone has a chance, that everyone should have a chance to be happy, to find someone that they love. I'm not that good of a person.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-19 04:04 pm (UTC)[It wasn't entirely true. he was actually kind to the few he cared for, but even then he could have the broad side of his tongue ready to go very easily. Very much an acquired taste as it came.
Her hand smoothed through Makoto's hair and she rested her forehead against her shoulder. The smile she had was a kind one, affectionate.]
Wanting to believe that isn't wrong. And both you and I, and Atsushi will be happy. I promise. I'm getting there and I hope you've found your happiness as well.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-23 03:53 am (UTC)I'm really happy when I'm with him. He always makes me feel better and encourages me, I feel stronger and like can do anything. The last few days have been great because we were staying together. But I couldn't find him at the festival, he would have enjoyed it.
Did you get to go? There were a lot of people, and everyone was enjoying it and were friendly.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 01:50 am (UTC)He's everything that I hoped he'd be for you. I'm so glad... He's going to be good. You're both just the right nervous I think, always concerned for each other.
The party? Oh yes... I... actually spent a lot of my time with Setsuna. It was very relaxing. I even did a little dancing later in the night.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-26 02:44 am (UTC)[Makoto leaned into Vira-Lorr a little her mind was calming down a little now that it was directed to more pleasant thoughts. She wasn't stuck spinning her wheels and spiraling inward thanks to her friend.]
But the two of you were dancing? Did you tell her anything?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-26 04:46 pm (UTC)Mmmm, the refreshments WERE fun weren't they? Actually Setsuna and I spent more time on the beech, just lounging like a pair of old bums. It was great. She let me apply lotion on her back.
[And suddenly, Vira's face was the one going red.]
We didn't actually dance much, but we spent a lot of time together.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-26 06:03 pm (UTC)Lounging sounds nice though, having the chance to take in the warmth of the sun and just enjoy actually having a bit of light. I can't wait for spring and summer to get here. But something like that sounds a lot more like Setsuna than dancing or something with a lot of other people.
[At least Makoto assumed it was, since she'd never the woman do anything besides work.]
Did she want to read instead?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-27 03:38 am (UTC)[She smiled to herself.]
I ... kind of hope, when we figure things out, that she can just take a little bit of time off. With me. That'd be nice.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-27 03:52 am (UTC)[Makoto leaned back a little bracing herself on her arms as she closed her eyes. She wanted to go home, but at the same time she didn't want to say goodbye to everyone she had met here.]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-27 10:47 pm (UTC)She offered Makoto support, her hands running over her hair while she went to find her a seat.]
It would be nice to just... have time together. To not have to worry about each other, and everything else. A little dream come true, mmm?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-28 03:56 pm (UTC)[It had only been six months for Makoto and yet at the same time it had seemed like so much longer. Those she had met and grown close to, it seemed like she had known them for years with how friendly they had been and how much they had all been through together. She sincerely trusted them all.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-01 02:53 pm (UTC)Those would be lovely. Somewhere we could all just be comfortable and relaxed together. It's not easy to pull off, but when we can, we can finally just... talk a little. Get to know each other away from the constant fighting.