onerthes | Deerington Inbox

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[A tinny man's voice gives what is clearly a default answer machine message. Vira-Lorr is still figuring the phone out it seems.]
"Hello, we are not available now. Please leave your name and phone number after the beep. We will return your call."
*Beep*

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You aren't alone. Just remember that, Makoto. You have friends, and you can call on us if you need to. If she needs to crash here at the base, she can. We've got bunkers. Not the most comfortable, but they're here.

And she is already on the roster, so she won't need someone to let her in.

I know. I just, everyone keeps changing. Atsushi, Syaoran, they keep changing.

[She couldn't keep fighting those that she cared about. It was part of the reason she'd been checking in less and less. She was afraid of someone else she loved going mad and attacking.]

And even with them my neck hurts and I can barely sleep.

Atsushi is fine, I promise. I know... the transformation can be nerve-wracking at times... but [She sighed.] We're going to get through this month, Makoto. You have to pace yourself. If you become exhausted, you won't be able to help them all.

And I know you want to be there for everyone. I worry that you'll spread yourself thin.

He's not though. I know he keeps blaming himself for what happened, and he's afraid that it's going to happen again no matter how many times I tell him I'm fine. Rei isn't either, she tries to pretend she is, but I can tell that there's something wrong. David was attacked and injured even with incense.

I have to keep them safe. If I don't then it means you have to face even more, and I can't let you push yourself too hard either.

Makoto... [Ahem] Atsushi is going to take time to heal that. The wound is old. It is older than we have known him. I knew that when he and I spoke and he locked himself up the first time. He hates part of himself, and I think he struggles to understand why we care. But we do.

It will take time for him to heal. But he will.

As for the rest... [Swallow] I am going to trust you. I am going to trust you to be a hero, to risk your life out there to protect others, but I ask you to do the same. Yes, I have been injured, and I am no longer whole. But I am an archmage.

Let me fight, and fight by my side. Do not be my shield. Be my ally and I will promise you the same. You may rely on me as much as you may shield me. Ok?

[She wasn't a shield. Makoto, no Jupiter, was a sword that attacked and defeated the enemy before it was allowed to hurt those that she loved.]

Promise you'll be safe. That I won't have to stop from doing something you'd regret.

[The best defense was a good offense. She could certainly appreciate it. But right now, she was trying desperately to make sure that the girl understood that she wanted, needed to be treated as powerful in her own right, and that she felt she needed to trust Makoto in turn.]

I promise you that I will remain safe, and that I will not do something that I regret. I will not die again. I will swear that I will do whatever I have to to make sure that I don't.

Even if it means fleeing a superior foe with my tail tucked between my legs, wrapping myself in my shawl that gives me silence and hiding. I will stay alive, Makoto.

You must promise me that you will not make a foolish choice either.

[She had to bite back the demand 'promise me you won't die.' It chilled her bones, especially with all she knew, especially with the feeling that her very being was broken and how every death brought a person closer to that, but she would not make her promise that. She had no place asking anyone for that promise anymore.]

[She could accept that, though she didn't really care for Vira-Lorr making it sound like surviving was an awful thing.]

I promise, I won't do anything reckless.

[At least anymore reckless than her usual behavior.]

[She didn't like leaving people in danger even if it risked her. It had... gotten her in trouble in the past, that bull-headedness.]

There we go. And now we've both promised, and I trust you, Makoto. We don't know each other that well, but we're getting to.

...

And you like to wear your heart on your sleeve. I think it's an admirable quantity.

Can ask you something else too?

[It seemed to be a habit now, to always have one last thing to ask Vira-Lorr when they had these conversations.]

Tell Atsushi that he doesn't have to fell bad for hurting me. And if anything happens, make sure the he and Usagi are safe. Tell them to stay with Setsuna.

[She laughed. She shouldn't, but she did. It was a tired and slightly bitter laugh as she dragged her hand through her hair.]

Of course I will. Again. I already have, I swear it... but I mean it. That poor boy has old pains. We... have to be patient with him as we help him, Makoto. He will learn that you hold no ill will and still care for him, and that I feel the same in time. But we have to happen.

But... I will tell him to stay with Setsuna and Usagi. I promise that. And I will help protect him. I worry that he doesn't know when to stop risking himself.

That's what I'm worries about too.

Thank you, for everything.

Thank you as well. I meant it. We will get through this, Makoto, one way or anothe. I have not come this far to give up.

Not on Roderic. Not on Sodder. Not even on that mad dog Superior. And certainly not on you, Atsushi or anyone else I care for.

Since you asked me an extra promise, I'll ask you one. Promise me you'll try to sleep tonight. I can't imagine it would be easy, but you'll be stronger with rest.

[Makoto nods]

I'll try.

Thanks for checking in, Makoto. It's getting hard to keep track of everyone. As I feared, but it doesn't make it less frustrating. Call me if you need anything.

The fluids have been really unreliable lately. But I'm at the library all the time, when I'm not on patrol, or at home.

I'll be at FEAR a lot. But I'll take a moment here and there to check the library, to make sure who's staying there. It will be good to keep stocked on incense.

My home is available, but I'm going to let Susan and the Doctor handle things there. There's too much to do, I think you'd agree.

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