Deerington Inbox

[onerthes]

[A tinny man's voice gives what is clearly a default answer machine message. Vira-Lorr is still figuring the phone out it seems.]
"Hello, we are not available now. Please leave your name and phone number after the beep. We will return your call."
*Beep*

Comments

[entreats]

Hmm, I've heard of the term before.

[ Ange stares at the board for a moment before moving the first piece. ]

Though I don't think I've ever considered myself one. Is it because I'm not as.. [ Ange's voice trails off, mostly since she's trying to find a nice, diplomatic way to put it.

Especially since the category of people she's about to describe includes a ridiculous amount of people she'd consider friends. Does she have a type or something? Who knows. ]

.. wild as other people here?

[onerthes]

You are priceless sometimes.

[For once she decided to open with a pawn. It wasn't really important who won, so much as they had a fun game. As the pieces started to be moved, she grinned over at her and winked again.]

"Emotionally charged" might be how I'd put it. You've got some strong ones, but you don't wear them on your sleeve in quite the same way. It can have a cooling influence on others. It's nice at times.

[entreats]

Well.

[ A pause. As if she isn't too sure whether to admit this or not. But if she can't say as much around Vira-Lorr.. ]

It's more a conscious choice. I don't feel like showing just anyone what's going on in my head. Being so vulnerable in front of absolutely anyone feels like a recipe for disaster.

[onerthes]

You're not wrong, Ange. I think part of why I get myself hurt as often as I do is that I'm not as good as you are at deciding where and when to put my heart on my sleeve. It makes you vulnerable.

There is freedom in wearing no armor. And there is risk. Armor limits your movement, your choices. And yet it protects you. It's the same way with your heart. [She smiled.] Not that I regret how I am. There's simply a cost. Your way... seems to work for you, and it can let you show the ones you trust that they're precious by letting them in.

[entreats]

[ She listens, and then pulls her shoulders up slightly before moving one of the pieces. ]

Even if it didn't work for me, I don't think I could still change at this point. I'm too used to it now. [ The idea of being so emotionally open with everyone feels daunting. Overwhelming, even. Ange wouldn't even know where to start on it. ]

And just like that, your way of doing things suits you. I think part of your charm is that you're so honest to all the people around you. It makes it easy to trust you.

[onerthes]

And similarly... I don't know that I could stop with the oversharing. I'm just used to being very 'out there' with everyone. It's in my nature to almost be exhibitionistic about my moods, heh.

[And, in truth some of that was as much a defensive mechanism. People tended not to look too deeply when she was so active and open about almost everything.]

mmm, I do try to be honest. [She chuckled.] I can't say that I haven't met a lot of wonderful people here because of how I am. It has its perks... like today.

[entreats]

You think I don't play chess with people I don't trust?

[ Ange lets out a kind of amused sound at that. It's not a full out laugh, but it might as well be by Ange standards. ]

You could've gotten that regardless of how open you were with me. It's just the rest that comes as a perk with that. [ Like Ange actually being a little open in return - telling Vira-Lorr things that she wouldn't just tell anyone.

But of course it's also in Ange's nature to not say that so explicitly, instead just implying it like this. ]

[onerthes]

Hehe. I don't think you play chess with people you don't like. [She winked over at her and grinned as she made her next move. And, just as it was Ange's nature to imply, she could be rather open about things.]

It's... knowing that you're starting to let me in, to let me help you bit by bit. I'm grateful for that. You're someone I am ... I'm very glad we met, and I wish we had sooner.

So, I'm certainly not complaining about the perks. Or the support.

[entreats]

[ Vira-Lorr's words may just be the tiniest bit too sappy for Ange to be able to accept them without getting flustered at all - so there's a definite bit of colour to her cheeks as she replies, no matter how coolly she pretends to still just be playing chess. ]

If I'm letting you help me, it's since you did something to deserve it.

[ Or rather, something to win Ange's trust enough for it. ]

.. except for those times when you decide to jump in front of me and sacrifice yourself for me, that's not me letting you do anything. That's all you. [ Don't think she has forgotten! She still can't quite wrap her head around just how protective of her Vira-Lorr had been back there. It had been new. And weird. ]

[onerthes]

Now now. I'm just the self sacrificial type with the people that I like. It's in my nature to do stupid things like that. You'll get used to it eventually and we'll be thumb wrestling to decide who sacrifices themselves next since you're perfectly capable of defending yourself.

[She snickered and grinned across the table at her friend, winking. She wasn't too serious. Personally she liked being able to rely on Ange as opposed to just protectinng her, but Superior was ... Superior. Even she couldn't stand up to that woman.]

I... think, by the way, that I'm going to try and let my heart rest a little. It's kind of a tangled mess right now. Right after Setsuna disappeared... the bruise was from one of those rat bites. Let's just say that some complicated feelings bubbled up and I'm trying to let my brain process how I feel about them.

[entreats]

You should.

[ Especially since Ange knows what the rat bites do. Not because she experienced it herself - thank god - but she saw it on someone she knew, and after a while it sure made their behaviour make a lot more sense when Ange really started thinking about it.. ]

I mean, it's probably good to take some time to yourself.. Especially since she disappeared just as you were trying to start up something new too. [ Just when Vira-Lorr was starting to invest her heart into it, decided to trust. It must have hurt a lot, finding out she was suddenly gone one day. ]

[onerthes]

[Yep. And it had gone... every bit as badly as was written all over Vira's face and worse. So the assumption was a good one.]

She disappeared and I've been besieged by complex emotions. It's been... my heart needs time to process, and I have people to save. For the moment focusing on work and friends is ... it's actually useful to me in a lot of ways.

Sometimes it's nice to have something to do isn't it?

[entreats]

[ Her head dips into a nod as Ange momentarily stares at the chessboard. It's good to have something to do if that something can distract Vira-Lorr for the moment, keep her away from thinking about the more sad and painful things. ]

You know you can just call me if it ever does get too hard, right?

[ After all, she endured Ange's middle of the night dating panic texts, okay. She ought to do at least this much in return, she thinks. ]

It would never bother me.

[onerthes]

I... might do that. Just so you know. I something goes wrong relatively soon, I might just come over to your place and sob into your shoulder for a while.

[She set a knight down, smiling over at her sadly. There were things that she didn't want to put on Ange, that were hard to understand for those who hadn't been here quite as long as she and a meager handful of others. But she had been there for her several times, and she was a good woman. That counted for a lot.]

The same goes for you. You have Ruby, but if you ever need just a friend? Call me.

[entreats]

[ There's a slight smile on her face at the last part, at least. A sign that she's heard Vira-Lorr, and also plans on actually using the option offered to her here.

Which is why she doesn't mind the idea that Vira-Lorr may come to her to cry either - though she'd prefer if it wouldn't have to happen at all. The other has already been through so much, she doesn't deserve to have even more thrown onto her plate at this point. ]

It's pretty likely that something may go wrong soon again, huh.

[ It's more than a little pessimistic. Ange is aware of that. But she thinks that in a place like Deerington of all cities, it's also just being realistic. ]

We don't really get to catch breaks here.

[onerthes]

Almost certainly. I'm just hoping it's things I'm prepared to cope with. At this point that is an amazingly high number of little endurances I've built up.

[As they played, she couldn't help the little snort that she had there. Really, she as immunized to so many forms of horror at this point. Death didn't scare her in the traditional fashion. She knew physical pain, and she was just about screamed out by now. It was emotional trauma that really hit home at this point.]

The last six months have been rampant. The swirl closer to the central point has become faster and faster, like water going down the drain.

[entreats]

.. So you think it's all going to come to some big climax soon?

[ Ange sounds serious as she says it. If there's anything she's come to know about Vira-Lorr, it's that the other is intelligent. Especially when it comes to analyzing situations like this - the greater scheme of the thing they've all been caught up in here. ]

What do you think that might end up looking like?

[onerthes]

There is no doubt. For two years, it was one random horror after another. Little secrets here and there. Fading closer and closer, but never really that close. But the last six months....

I think... [She sighed.] I think she was afraid of Superior three years ago, so Julia used some of the last of her remaining power to summon the latest batch of sleepers. Since then she's been growing weaker gradually, and now that the layers peel away, the very fabric of the dream wavers.

I think... it may be a blasted wasteland until near the end, but that we may see the world you and I saw once before in the end. The world waiting to be born, and when it takes shape? It may look like one o the worlds we see through the holes in the sky.

[entreats]

[ Ange is quiet. She thinks back on that moment, knowing fully well what Vira-Lorr is talking about. She thinks about the consequences for them. ]

I hope we'll all be able to see that new world then, rather than getting wiped out. [ It's a contrast with the girl who stood on the ledge once upon a time. But this isn't just about her, this isn't about selfpreservation.

There's just too many people here who Ange doesn't want to lose. Who she doesn't want to have to see die out. ]

[onerthes]

[She noticed that change in tone, and she smiled as a result. Not everything right now was happy but hearing that Ange was showing signs of caring about something here, even more than self preservation itself, it was a good sign.]

My truest hope is that it will be there for those who need it and want it, and that the safe return home will be there for those who wish it. It's a lot to hope for but I am trying to see that through.

[entreats]

Hmm..

[ Ange hums, before her voice trails off. She stares down at the chessboard and the pieces on it, rather than up at Vira-Lorr's face. ]

I guess that part is going to suck too, even if we make it to that point. Having to say goodbye to so many people we've gotten to know.

[onerthes]

I'm... I'm no longer ready to return. This place has broken me a little, and I want to heal. I can only do that remaining here somehow, making peace with what I've seen, what I've lost and what I've become.

I don't simply want to depart and allow my amnesia to 'solve' everything for me. [She grunted.] And I'm not very good at goodbyes to begin with. I never liked them much.

[entreats]

[ At least Vira-Lorr wanting to stay does make some sense to Ange. Not even just because of what the other is saying right now, but also from what she knows about the other and her existence back home. Outliving everyone.. It's not like she's really leaving people behind there when she's already pretty much outlived them all to begin with, right?

Maybe that means there's less for her to return for than there is for other people. ]

Some people are going to return home though.

[ If not all of them, if this place forces them to. And Ange herself? Well--

She doesn't mention that. ]

The goodbye is inevitable.

[onerthes]

[The notion of outliving everyone, of knowing immortals who gave up their immortality to live lives in romantic unions with humans? It did color some of her approach to matters. It wasn't that it bothered her. In a way, it was an every-day thing, and part of how she could converse with individuals like Michael and the Doctor on different levels than others at times. But it also meant that the idea of just taking ten, twenty years to relax, to live a 'human life' here and say goodbye to friends only after she'd recovered fully? It didn't necessarily bother her. Because she had to go back eventually. Why hurry?]

Some will, yes.... It would be nice to actually say goodbye more often.

[entreats]

[ She's got a point with what she's saying out loud.

Often people disappear. Without them being able to say goodbye. Having someone here, and then gone the next. It's a possibility at any given moment, right? For all Ange knows, she could be waking up back home, in the car next to Amakusa. As if Deerington all this time was nothing more than a dream.

She's not too sure how she feels about that one.

After hesitating for a long time, Ange finally moves a piece. ]

Then.. let's say it now.

[ It's kind of dumb. After all, for all they know they may be stuck here for years to come.

But still.. ]

Just in case. So we won't regret it later on.